What You'll Never Know
by Ransomed Heart
Summary: Just a little trist into the mind of what seems to be everyone's fav character. Don't kill the authoress, and please read the AN at the begining.


I already know what my headstone is gong to read: "Here lies Rachel, who was killed by angry reviewers because  
  
she put up another stupid one-shot instead of updating VP." Anyway, I don't own Code Lyoko, and I don't know   
  
who does. Probably some person in France.  
  
BTW, this is my first attempt at anything in first person POV, so forgive small grammatical errors. Also, let  
  
me say before you begin that I do not support this pairing. This is more of a what-if I got from the episode   
  
Laughing Fit. So no flames please.  
  
-----  
  
**What You'll Never Know**  
  
I watch as my three best friends come towards me, smiling and laughing and holding hands like a good  
  
couple should. It's a steady, comforting feeling to see them together everyday, knowing they are so right for  
  
each other. They make each other happy, and that in turn makes me happy. Behind them comes the third friend,   
  
though whether his presence makes me happy or mocks me is open for debate.  
  
"Hey, we're gonna study as a group tonight in the dorm room," one offers. "Wanna come?"  
  
I shake my head. "No thanks, I have stuff I've got to take care of." A lame excuse, but they seem to buy  
  
it. All except for one who gives me a questioning look, but says nothing, letting it pass. They move away   
  
again as a group, picking up their previous conversation.  
  
For a brief moment I consider running after them, telling them everything, but I don't. Telling them   
  
would be like sticking my hand in the tiger cage at the zoo with the feline stalking me just beyond the cold  
  
steel bars. You have your hand until you make the stupid mistake of putting it within the cat's reach; you're  
  
perfectly safe until you make yourself otherwise. And to tell them would be giving the tiger the opportunity  
  
to chow down on my hand, and quite possibly the rest of my body too. And I make enough waves in this school   
  
without starting a war that would threaten to tear us all apart.  
  
It's not that I don't want to study with them, it's just that I can't stand listening to them talk about   
  
her. And as she is inevitably a topic of conversation it is better to remove myself from the situation. I  
  
choose to think of it as self-preservation, but you can call it what you will. The word 'cowardice' comes to  
  
my mind, but like I said, I prefer self-preservation. I'm not quite ready to hurl myself off the precipice   
  
that admitting my feelings would create. And I would create a bottomless abyss of darkness, probably something  
  
vaguely akin to hell on earth, if that's even possible.  
  
Now I suppose you want to know why. Why I don't just march in there and announce it to the entire school.  
  
One: because that's not my style. If things hadn't gone down the way they did, I may never have told the guys  
  
about Sam. Two: because if I did announce it to the school, they'd haul me away to a round rubber room and a  
  
psychiatrist, never to be heard from again. Plus, it would blow our secret totally out of the water. Three:  
  
because I would die a slow, painful death at the hands of Jeremie, and I'm willing to bet that somewhere in   
  
that overly used noggin of his that genius knows some pretty slow torture techniques. Something along the   
  
lines of Chinese Water Torture.  
  
So my friends can never know. And she can never know either. I will, of course, always protect her, it   
  
comes with the territory. XANNA attacks, and it's off to Lyoko again, where my purpose is to protect her. That  
  
little chain of events tends to work out nicely for me, seeing as how more and more often these days I'm the   
  
only one who can go to Lyoko, as the others seem to end up trapped in XANNA's schemes more frequently than  
  
myself. But he is always watching or listening, so it's not like I would get the chance to tell her anyway.  
  
Jeremie's voice seems to float from above like that of a mocking god when we're in Lyoko, giving guidance from  
  
the heavens.  
  
So there you have it. I'm in love with a program who is in love with my friend. Well technically she's a   
  
program, though we've come to think of her as more.  
  
I stare at the ground to see if it has any advice on the situation. The ground stared blankly back,  
  
apparently it has no revelations on middle-school love to offer me today. Ah, well, I wasn't really expecting   
  
an answer anyway.   
  
Suddenly weak, I lean back against the bench I'm standing behind for support. Raising my head to stare  
  
contemplatively at the azure sky, I whisper softly, "She'll never know anyway." 


End file.
